It's been a while since I have written, and while I feel like I have a million things to say, finding the time to sit down and write a piece from my heart has been lost in the pile of tasks that await every week.
I vowed that I would write at least once a month, A vow that I have broken repeatedly.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. It is so easy to get lost in our daily lives, the hustle and bustle of what is work, having a family, training, errands, Just life! We often forget to take time to ourselves in the run of a week, be present, preform self care.
Reflecting on 2018, I had an amazing year, but it was SO.BUSY.
I trained for and completed my first ultramarathon
I had gotten and raised a puppy
I moved twice
I landed an Ambassadorship with Arthur James and Salomon
Started a new job
I've ran countless races
Travelled to Costa Rica
Travelled to Florida
The list goes on and on....
Finding time in there for myself was tough. Though I had learnt so much about myself during this time, I had also forgotten one of the most important things, my health.
You are probably laughing or smiling by this point but let me be a little more specific. My Mental Health.
Physically one can be as healthy as a horse, but if your mental health isn't all there, are you?
I vowed that I would write at least once a month, A vow that I have broken repeatedly.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. It is so easy to get lost in our daily lives, the hustle and bustle of what is work, having a family, training, errands, Just life! We often forget to take time to ourselves in the run of a week, be present, preform self care.
Reflecting on 2018, I had an amazing year, but it was SO.BUSY.
I trained for and completed my first ultramarathon
I had gotten and raised a puppy
I moved twice
I landed an Ambassadorship with Arthur James and Salomon
Started a new job
I've ran countless races
Travelled to Costa Rica
Travelled to Florida
The list goes on and on....
Finding time in there for myself was tough. Though I had learnt so much about myself during this time, I had also forgotten one of the most important things, my health.
You are probably laughing or smiling by this point but let me be a little more specific. My Mental Health.
Physically one can be as healthy as a horse, but if your mental health isn't all there, are you?
Yeah sure, I completed an ultramarathon and that takes a lot of mental strength. Heck that is most of it, but that is only one small corner or portion of what is.
After running my ultra last year I was high for months, on a runners high that is.
Instantly, I had signed up for another ultramarathon and had plans to complete the ECT 50 again, uninjured to beat my time.
So that is two ultra's, Capes 100 & ECT 50.
Thrown in there we also had the Cabot Trail Relay
Gros Morne Ultra, which is a two day three stage race
Race to the Sea, which is also a Relay Race
Liminality 16 Miler
Tely 10
and i'm sure there are others......
The Capes 100 fell in August which meant that by the time I started training in April I was two months into an ultra marathon training plan for a race that was scheduled in October. Meaning that in April, I was running June's schedule. For those of you that don't know where I live, we have snow here on our trails until June. Frig, we actually skied from November to May this year....... that is SO Long. 6-7 Months of Winter, than a lag of two months with snow on the trails stopping me from MTN biking and more importantly trail running. This left me training on the road.... road running.
My Nemises!!
I began to wonder if I was going to be able to successfully complete the list of goals that I had set out for myself this year.
Dragging my heels, I started my training on the road, fitting in road bike rides whenever I could to keep my cardio where it needed to be.
Weeks would pass and I would only get in a run or two, I was craving my road bike, anything other than running honestly. The weather still wasn't great, it was cold, wet and rainy.
The pressure to preform and follow my training schedule to a T was building. I wasn't eating properly, getting the rest I needed when even though all I wanted to do was sleep. Fact, my dog is the only reason I got in a run. I eventually started looking for any excuse I could not to run.
What was missing? Why couldn't I find my sweet spot.
More time passed, we were now into the month of May.
I was SO unhappy.
I couldn't even bring myself to look at my running schedule to see what distance I had to run on the weekend.
Its the second week of May and I have to run 22 miles on the weekend.... I would spend the whole week thinking about how I had to run that far and how I just didn't want too.
Going into the 2019 season, I told myself that 2020 would be my year off. I was going to finally take a year off from training. For the past 7 years, I had spent 7 months of each year following a schedule. After running an ultra and getting hooked on the distance, that meant that some days in the highest of heat and nicest days of summer were 5-6 hour training days....
I continued to soldier on, trying to accept the fact that these were the goals I had set out for myself and as a runner it was normal. This was what being a running athlete was all about.
Its Not!
After running my ultra last year I was high for months, on a runners high that is.
Instantly, I had signed up for another ultramarathon and had plans to complete the ECT 50 again, uninjured to beat my time.
So that is two ultra's, Capes 100 & ECT 50.
Thrown in there we also had the Cabot Trail Relay
Gros Morne Ultra, which is a two day three stage race
Race to the Sea, which is also a Relay Race
Liminality 16 Miler
Tely 10
and i'm sure there are others......
The Capes 100 fell in August which meant that by the time I started training in April I was two months into an ultra marathon training plan for a race that was scheduled in October. Meaning that in April, I was running June's schedule. For those of you that don't know where I live, we have snow here on our trails until June. Frig, we actually skied from November to May this year....... that is SO Long. 6-7 Months of Winter, than a lag of two months with snow on the trails stopping me from MTN biking and more importantly trail running. This left me training on the road.... road running.
My Nemises!!
I began to wonder if I was going to be able to successfully complete the list of goals that I had set out for myself this year.
Dragging my heels, I started my training on the road, fitting in road bike rides whenever I could to keep my cardio where it needed to be.
Weeks would pass and I would only get in a run or two, I was craving my road bike, anything other than running honestly. The weather still wasn't great, it was cold, wet and rainy.
The pressure to preform and follow my training schedule to a T was building. I wasn't eating properly, getting the rest I needed when even though all I wanted to do was sleep. Fact, my dog is the only reason I got in a run. I eventually started looking for any excuse I could not to run.
What was missing? Why couldn't I find my sweet spot.
More time passed, we were now into the month of May.
I was SO unhappy.
I couldn't even bring myself to look at my running schedule to see what distance I had to run on the weekend.
Its the second week of May and I have to run 22 miles on the weekend.... I would spend the whole week thinking about how I had to run that far and how I just didn't want too.
Going into the 2019 season, I told myself that 2020 would be my year off. I was going to finally take a year off from training. For the past 7 years, I had spent 7 months of each year following a schedule. After running an ultra and getting hooked on the distance, that meant that some days in the highest of heat and nicest days of summer were 5-6 hour training days....
I continued to soldier on, trying to accept the fact that these were the goals I had set out for myself and as a runner it was normal. This was what being a running athlete was all about.
Its Not!
It was mothers day!
A friend and I had gone for a road bike ride. When we finished we had stopped at the bakery to indulge in some sweet treats and to catch up.
We were chatting away about countless things, riding, relationships, work etc and then the topic came up.
Then it happened.
She looked at me and said, "I know you keep talking about taking next year off, but Erica you are really aren't enjoying your running and you don't seem happy. I think that it would be a good idea to take this year instead".
Like a tonne of bricks, reality set in.
She was right!
WHY was I putting myself through this when it was making me so unhappy?
Am I still a runner?
What about my Ambassadorships?
Am I still even an athlete if Im not training?
How can I drop out of my races, Ive never done this before?
All of these thoughts raced through my mind.
After our conversation that morning as I peddled home, I knew she was right, knew what I had to do.
Accepting it was the issue.
I offloaded everything that I was feeling on my partner, and then again in a conversation with my mom.
I had made a decision.
But acceptance.....
One comment that really stuck out was one that my mom had made. She said that I had been living in Corner Brook for four years and hadn't taken any more than a Monday or a Friday off for a long weekend since id moved and that my whole life revolved around running.
She was right! Weekends revolved around running,
Every. Single. One!
Vacations which were just longer weekends revolved around races, when I travelled across the island, it revolved around races Exploring on the weekends, revolved around races.
It was time to do all of these things, but for fun.
Mentally I needed the break, my body thankful too.
Things change!
No where does it say that to be an athlete that I need to continually bust my ass. No where does it say that If I take a year off I am no longer a runner.
No where does it say that I don't deserve a break.
Running in whatever form has given me so many precious gifts in life.
Strength, both mental and physical, friendships, ambition, inspiration, and it has helped me be humble and stay grounded.
While I can sit here and brag about all the wonderful things this sport has done for me, it has also stripped me of fun, spontaneity, added pressure, affected my mental health, injured my body, and ruined friendships.
All of these being avenues that we take as athletes.
After making the decision not to train this year I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.
I have accepted my decision
I am working on my mental health and relationship with running.
My spontaneity is slowly coming back.
and I am learning to relax and give my body the love and attention that is deserves. Afterall, it has taken me this far!
As an Ambassador for three different companies, I need to be a leader. I need to be able to make decisions and choices though sometimes tough. I also need to inspire and be fearless. Making THAT choice is all of those things.
I am eternally grateful for those who talked me through this week after week. Ensured me that everything would work out, that I would be okay and that I needed to take this time to refocus, focus my energy elsewhere and start fresh next year.
I am still running weekly, but on my own schedule, own pace and for fun.
I have been hiking more, taking in our beautiful province.
I am working on building our running community rather than always participating in the events it holds.
And more importantly I am strengthening and building relationships, not only with myself but with others.
All while still being a runner.
The most important lessons learnt here... Well, don't bite off more than you can chew and Listen to your body, it's always right. Don't be afraid of change, It is a good thing.
This post has been a long time coming.
For those of you who have taken the time to read it start to finish, Thank you!
I am so excited for 2020, and Im looking forward to coming back stronger than before.
-E
Strength, both mental and physical, friendships, ambition, inspiration, and it has helped me be humble and stay grounded.
While I can sit here and brag about all the wonderful things this sport has done for me, it has also stripped me of fun, spontaneity, added pressure, affected my mental health, injured my body, and ruined friendships.
All of these being avenues that we take as athletes.
After making the decision not to train this year I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.
I have accepted my decision
I am working on my mental health and relationship with running.
My spontaneity is slowly coming back.
and I am learning to relax and give my body the love and attention that is deserves. Afterall, it has taken me this far!
As an Ambassador for three different companies, I need to be a leader. I need to be able to make decisions and choices though sometimes tough. I also need to inspire and be fearless. Making THAT choice is all of those things.
I am eternally grateful for those who talked me through this week after week. Ensured me that everything would work out, that I would be okay and that I needed to take this time to refocus, focus my energy elsewhere and start fresh next year.
I am still running weekly, but on my own schedule, own pace and for fun.
I have been hiking more, taking in our beautiful province.
I am working on building our running community rather than always participating in the events it holds.
And more importantly I am strengthening and building relationships, not only with myself but with others.
All while still being a runner.
The most important lessons learnt here... Well, don't bite off more than you can chew and Listen to your body, it's always right. Don't be afraid of change, It is a good thing.
This post has been a long time coming.
For those of you who have taken the time to read it start to finish, Thank you!
I am so excited for 2020, and Im looking forward to coming back stronger than before.
-E